Church Squirrels

 And then there is this:

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

I had to add some humor. The days have been crazy here. I tweaked my shoulder while asleep hahaha I know! So I have had a mental block trying to write. Carol Vest, a Virginia friend shared this and it made me laugh out loud I shared it with a few people via email but wanted to share it here. These squirrels look like a Motley Crew! The hubby was new at his job, which he is coming up on 30 years July 3rd, which happens to be our baby girl Hannah's 30th birthday! We attended a Christmas party, goodness, those were fun. It was held at the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. Unfortunately, there was an angry squirrel running around the grounds and they warned us to be careful. Apparently people were feeding this lil hooligan and he started to attack people who weren't handing out free treats! I remember thinking I'd lose my high heels if the varmit charged us, so I could run like the wind! Everytime I see a squirrel I remember that night. It was one of the best parties the firm had but also one filled with lots of craziness. They always had the best food and entertainment.

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

W. H. Davies

The squirrel hoards nuts and the bee gathers honey, without knowing what they do, and they are thus provided for without selfishness or disgrace.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nature is what we see - the hill, the afternoon, squirrel, eclipse, the bumblebee. Nay, nature is heaven. Nature is what we hear...

Emily Dickinson

If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel's heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence.

George Eliot